Thursday, March 06, 2003

Someone said to me yesterday
Don’t waste your precious thoughts on ‘her’

And that’s fair enough
My dear brain cells are depleting
So I take heed

All in silence, haven’t heard a word
I will put the call out
Whether or not I get a response is another thing
I think there are ego’s at stake here

When I think about it
Things don’t always go my way
Its as if they are meant to happen like that

How can you describe eight hours of bliss?
Like I never wanted the day to end
Phone calls back and forward, it was frustrating
And I asked her the question
Are you happy?, you must enjoy the angst
She didn’t know what to say
So I just sat there in hope
But there was no hope
It had faded
Someone wanted it to be this way
I thought ‘ this is not fair’
But it was
And I walked away….again

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

I don’t understand it

I can’t control my bad moods


The thing is , I get up and say ‘ what a great day ‘

Then I get outside and even if it’s a shitfull morning

I still say ‘ today is a great day ‘

Its bullshit

Its fake

Right now, someone give me a baseball bat so I can smash myself over the head

Knock myself out cause I am such a fucker

So pissed off at the world 2day

U whats fucked

Tomorrow I will be all fuckn happy again

Whats fucking great about that..

You Tell me

Cause I know that you love me un-conditionally
Will you reply to the messages that I send

What was that you said ?
Cause I didn’t understand a single word

Communication is down again

I try to talk to you
Never seem to get through
My connection to you is on message-bank

anything ? ...what ?

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

She was great apparently
According to Her

That makes me happy
And content
That everything went well

Whether or not I will see her is another thing

She is still out there
And we talk
About things

I need some chocolate

Sunday, March 02, 2003

How do I feel?
Could be an understatement

What I want in my life
Is un-attainable
Yet so easy to grasp

I’m relatively un-happy
But thankful

Why do I get this resistance?
Cause that’s how the cards have been dealt for me

I need to touch her, and hold her and kiss her

But I lie there, wondering

And thinking

Cutting me deep

And its just her!